Disclosure

This heaviness of heart has really worn me out. It has become too much to bare, and I seem to
have become completely numb, with it. It is constantly there in the background, hurting me,
where it hurts the most. And I can't seem to do anything about it. Meeting friends and
acquaintances, off and on, helps me to temporarily forget it, and alleviates the pain momentarily.
But even with them I seem to be almost mechanical; wooden even. I smile the smiles, laugh the laughs, make the moves, but deep down inside I can feel the heaviness ... the sickness. What has happened to me?

I used to be happy once; I was quite enjoying what I was doing. Now my life seems empty and
directionless ... all because of this heaviness. Worse still, it is affecting me physically.
I don't get sleep at night; I feel sick looking at food. I am becoming sick and emaciated both
physically and mentally. The stress only adds to the pain: no sleep and no food makes me feel weak, and then, on top of that there is this dull heaviness ... looming over me ... like a black thundercloud ready to burst open.

Why can't the butcher rip this feeble heart open with the knife, once and finally, instead of torturing me with these pricks from rose thorns?